dip a finger on your way in
(tap her, she likes it)
tilt your phone — the picture moves
Saint Madeleine
Patron saint of sturdiness, stability, and not knocking it over
Known to her friends as Stumpy · Feast day: the first morning you don't stub your toe
Baptised, confirmed, lapsed. Still knows every response by heart.
Her three little miracles
Attested by the clumsy, in kitchens everywhere
The Full Mug
Carried across a room, up a stair, and set down without one drop lost.
The Caught Phone
Slipped from a hand at head height. Recovered mid-air. Screen unblemished.
The Steady Chair
Leaned back too far on two legs and, against every law, came back down.
A little novena
Nine mornings running. Say it before you carry anything with two hands.
Madeleine, keep my elbows close and my mug upright. Widen the doorframes. Soften the corners of the coffee table. Let the floor be where I left it, and let the step be exactly one step.
Steady on. 🕯️No imprimatur. She didn't ask anyone.
Litany of Saint Madeleine
Call on the left, response on the right. You'll remember how.
- For the mug filled to the brim
- steady us
- For the corner of the bed frame
- steady us
- For the stair that is one more than we counted
- steady us
- For the glass placed near the laptop
- steady us
- For the cat underfoot in the dark
- steady us
- For everything already broken
- forgive us
Under her care
Whom and what she watches over
- full mugs
- wet tiles
- untied laces
- low doorframes
- open dishwashers
- tall glasses near laptops
- carrying too much at once
- the last stair
- wobbly tables
- holding a cat and a kettle
The reliquary
Kept behind glass. Do not touch, obviously.
The Chipped Handle
Snapped clean off in 2016. The mug survived. The handle did not.
A Single Lace
Untied at the top of an escalator. Nothing came of it.
The Screen Protector
Shattered so the phone beneath it would not. Martyr, arguably.
One Ikea Screw
Left over. The shelf has held for four years regardless.
The Shin Plaster
From the coffee table incident. She keeps it as a reminder.
A Bent Teaspoon
Nobody has ever explained this one.
The confessional
Tell her what you dropped. She's heard worse.
The clumsiness barometer
Five questions. Be honest, she already knows.
Light a candle
One for every thing you've dropped today
A quiet minute
Even Madeleine sets the mug down sometimes. Breathe with her.
Nothing is wobbling right now.
4 in, 4 hold, 6 outThe gift shop
Cash only. Everything is sold out and has been since 1998.
Fridge magnet
Scented candle
Dashboard bobblehead
Unspillable mug
Keyring, small
Commemorative spoon
Candle notes: spilled coffee, wet tile, other people's carpet.
Certificate of devotion
Put your name on it. Print it. Put it in a frame, why not.